You make friends after moving by showing up to the same few things, repeatedly, and by being the one who sends the second invitation. That means a weekly sport, a language café, a volunteer shift or a standing coffee, plus a short message afterward. It works because friendship comes from repeated contact, not from one great evening. Below you'll find what to do in your first weeks, where to go in the Netherlands, how to turn a nice chat into a real friendship, and what to do when it still feels lonely.
TL;DR
- Pick two or three recurring activities and keep going. Regular faces are what turn into friends.
- In the Netherlands, sports clubs, language cafés, volunteering and interest groups are the routes the professional integration guides keep pointing to.
- Say yes to small invitations, and send the next one yourself. Several invitations are often needed before a friendship develops.
- Expect it to take months, not weeks. Slow progress is normal, not a sign something is wrong with you.
- If you want to find someone nearby for a game of padel, a coffee or a co-working day, an activity-based app can shorten the first step.
Table of Contents
- Why it feels so hard after a move
- Your first two weeks: a simple plan
- Where to meet people in the Netherlands
- Starting online, then moving offline
- Finding people nearby for a specific activity
- From a nice chat to an actual friend
- Dutch social norms worth knowing
- Expats, travelers and remote workers: three different starting points
- A note on privacy when you meet strangers
- Our perspective
- Try it in your first week
- When it still feels lonely
- FAQ
- Sources
Why it feels so hard after a move
When you move, you lose the things that made friendships easy without effort: a shared school, a team, an office, neighbours who knew you for years. In a new city you start with none of it, and every contact has to be created on purpose.
That is not a personal flaw. NPR's reporting on friendships after a move frames it as a matter of intentional effort: showing up for local activities is what helps people feel at home. The good news in that framing is that effort is something you control, even when the outcome takes a while.
In the Netherlands there is an extra layer. Many newcomers describe Dutch social life as planned well ahead and built around existing circles, clubs and families. You don't need to take that as a closed door. It mostly means that the entry points are structured (clubs, classes, groups), and that you do better by joining something with a schedule than by waiting for spontaneous invitations.
Your first two weeks: a simple plan
Don't try to build a social life in one weekend. Aim for a small system you can keep up.
- Choose one regular spot. A café, a climbing gym, a class or a volunteer shift. Go at the same time each week so the staff and the other regulars start to recognize you.
- Choose one activity tied to an interest. Something you would do alone anyway, so it never feels like a chore if nobody talks to you that day.
- Choose one low-stakes social format. A language café, a group walk or a casual meetup where talking is the point.
- Say yes to the first invitation. Even if you are tired. Early invitations are rare and set the tone.
- Put a follow-up on your calendar. After each event, note one person you'd like to see again and decide when you'll message them.
This is close to the advice you find in most guides for newcomers, and it matches Work in South Holland's guidance, which says building a social life takes time and advises accepting small invitations because connections grow gradually.
Where to meet people in the Netherlands
The Dutch professional guides for internationals are consistent on where to start. Here are the routes, with what each is good for.
Sports clubs and regular sport
Sport gives you a built-in reason to see the same people weekly. Holland Expat Center South notes that sports clubs offer both participation and social gatherings, parties and other member activities. That second part matters: the drinks after training are often where friendships actually start.
If you prefer something less formal than a club membership, look for casual groups: running crews, cycling groups, a standing padel or tennis game. In Amsterdam, Koentact's guide to making friends in the city mentions yoga, bootcamp, kickball and cycling groups as places where newcomers meet people.
Language cafés and Dutch classes
Learning Dutch does two jobs: it widens who you can talk to, and the class itself is a regular group of people in the same situation. Holland Expat Center South recommends learning Dutch and understanding Dutch culture to open up more social opportunities, and it points newcomers toward language cafés and local community activities. Work in South Holland lists language cafés too.
Koentact adds that classes with other internationals and field trips are places where friendships can take root. You'll talk with people who also had to start from zero, which makes the first conversation much easier.
Volunteering
Volunteering gives you a shared task, which removes the pressure of small talk. In Amsterdam, Koentact mentions Buurtbuik, Serve the City and VrijwilligersCentrale Amsterdam as ways to get involved. Mayo Clinic also lists volunteering among the ways adults meet people, alongside community events, hobby groups, courses, faith communities and neighbours.
Hobby groups, courses and cultural events
Work in South Holland recommends cultural events, hobbies and interest groups, and Holland Expat Center South identifies hobbies and courses as places to meet like-minded people. Pick something with several sessions, such as a ceramics course or a photography walk series, rather than a one-off event. Repetition is the point.
Neighbours and your own street
It sounds old-fashioned, but Mayo Clinic includes neighbours and walks in its list. A greeting in the stairwell, a chat at the local market or a walk through the same park at the same hour builds familiarity that later turns into a coffee.
Starting online, then moving offline
Online tools are a useful way in, as long as the goal is to meet in person soon. NPR recommends joining online communities and checking local event listings as ways to find groups to attend. The test for any online step is simple: does it lead to a real meeting within a week or two?
If you're past your twenties and wonder whether it's still normal to start from scratch, this essay on making friends later in life is a good reminder that online communication can be a starting point for local friendships, not a substitute for them.
Finding people nearby for a specific activity
Most newcomers don't struggle with the idea of friendship. They struggle with a specific moment: it's Saturday morning, you want to play padel or get a coffee, and you don't know anyone to ask. That gap between wanting to do something and having someone to do it with is where a lot of loneliness after a move lives.
Two approaches help:
- Plan ahead. Join a club or class so the people come with the schedule.
- Go spontaneous. Post the thing you want to do, at a time you want to do it, and see who nearby is free.
The second is what we built Conppi for. It matches you with people nearby for real-time activities such as tennis, padel, gym, running, cycling, swimming, co-working, coffee meetups and language exchange. There are no profiles to polish and no swiping. You choose an activity, filter by things like time and skill level, and meet. We are opening in Amsterdam first so that there are enough people nearby for matches to happen quickly.
If you want more detail on how this works for specific situations in the city, these pages go deeper:
- Meeting people without social media in Amsterdam
- Pairing one meetup with one app in your first week
- Meeting remote workers in Amsterdam
- Getting matched for weekend meetups
- Ready-to-book group activities in the Netherlands
From a nice chat to an actual friend
Meeting people is the easy half. The harder half is the follow-up, and this is where most new connections quietly die, because both people are waiting for the other to move.
Mayo Clinic's advice is direct: when you enjoy talking to someone, invite them for coffee or lunch, accept invitations when they come, and keep trying, because it can take several invitations before a friendship develops. It also describes friendship-building as proactive outreach, persistence and reciprocal invitations.
Here is how to make that concrete.
Send a message within 48 hours
Keep it short and specific: "Good to meet you at the language café. I'm heading to the same place next Thursday, want to join?" A specific plan is easier to say yes to than "we should hang out sometime." We go through this routine step by step in our piece on posting, showing up and following up within 48 hours.
Prefer small groups to big crowds
A room of fifty people rarely produces a friend. A table of four to six does, because everyone can talk. If you're choosing between a large networking night and a small group meetup, the small group tends to build real conversations faster. See our take on curated small group meetups.
Make it recurring
Suggest a standing slot: every other Sunday run, the Wednesday co-working morning. A recurring plan removes the need to re-negotiate every time and lets the friendship run on habit.
Reciprocate
If someone invites you, invite them next. Friendships stay balanced when both people initiate.
Dutch social norms worth knowing
A few practical points make the first months easier.
- Plan ahead. Dutch calendars fill early, so an invitation for "this weekend" on a Friday may not land. Suggest a time a week or two out, and be glad about spontaneous yeses when they happen.
- Learn some Dutch. Even a basic level signals interest. Holland Expat Center South says learning the language and understanding the culture helps you navigate local customs and widen your social opportunities.
- Expect directness. Plain speech is usually not rudeness. Answer in kind.
- Don't wait to be asked. Clubs, courses and volunteer groups are structured entry points. Join them and let the structure do the introducing.
These are general observations from the guides above, not rules, and people vary. Treat them as a starting orientation.
Expats, travelers and remote workers: three different starting points
Expats in Amsterdam often get the best results from pairing one structured group (a language class or sports club) with one flexible way to meet people (a weekly activity match). Our two-ways-in-a-month plan for people over 30 covers this for adults who don't want a student-style social scene.
Remote workers miss the office more than they expect. A weekly co-working morning with the same two or three people can turn into a real social anchor. It's the easiest recurring format to start, because you were going to work anyway.
Travelers and short-stay residents don't have months to build a circle. For you, one-off activity matches (a run, a coffee, a language exchange) are a fast way to meet locals, and are worth more than hoping to run into someone.
A note on privacy when you meet strangers
Meeting new people means sharing some information, and you should be careful about how much. Conppi shows only approximate distance between users, never exact location. For first meetings in any setting, choose a public place, tell someone where you're going and keep it to daytime or busy hours until you know the person. Our page on approximate location privacy explains the thinking behind this.
Our perspective
We built Conppi around a simple observation: most apps for meeting people are either dating-driven or built around profiles you have to curate before you can do anything. Neither helps the person who simply wants someone to play padel with on Saturday.
Our view is that friendship starts with doing something together, not with browsing each other. That is why Conppi is built around activities, matching people nearby on shared interests, time and skill level, not on photos. We think a good first meeting is short, specific and low pressure: forty-five minutes of coffee or a single run. If it goes well, repeat it. If not, nothing is lost.
We are starting in Amsterdam because matching only works when many people are close by. Dense places make spontaneous plans realistic. And we think the most useful thing an app can do for newcomers is get them offline quickly, then stay out of the way.
The app itself won't make you a friend. Showing up, following up and giving it time will. We just try to make the first step easier.
— Ilya
Try it in your first week
If you're new to Amsterdam and want a partner for sport, coffee, co-working or language exchange, Conppi's activity partner app is a free iOS and Android app that matches you with people nearby, with no profile to build and no swiping. If your goal is professional contacts, see networking in Amsterdam.
When it still feels lonely
Some weeks will be flat even if you do everything right. A few things help.
- Lower the bar for a good week. One real conversation counts.
- Keep your old friendships alive. Regular calls with people back home steady you while new ones form. This is on most newcomer lists for good reason.
- Go back to the basics. Work in South Holland suggests that if connection stays difficult, you keep trying cultural events, sports clubs and interest groups, and keep the regular activities going.
- Give it time. Building a social life after a move takes time, and that is normal.
If low mood or loneliness starts to affect your sleep, work or daily routine for weeks, talk to your GP (huisarts) in the Netherlands, or a doctor or counselor where you live. That is not a failure of your social skills. It's a good reason to get support.
FAQ
How do I meet people in a new city?
Choose a few recurring activities, such as a sport, a class, a language café or volunteering, and attend them consistently. Online communities and local event listings help you find them. Then follow up with the people you enjoyed talking to.
How long does it take to make friends after moving?
Expect months rather than weeks. Work in South Holland says building a social life takes time, and Mayo Clinic notes that several invitations may be needed before a friendship develops. Consistency matters more than speed.
How can I make friends in the Netherlands as a foreigner?
Join a sports club, a Dutch class or language café, a volunteer group or an interest group. These are the routes recommended by Dutch professional guides for newcomers. Accept small invitations, and suggest plans a week or two ahead.
Why do I not connect with anyone?
Usually it is a lack of repeated contact, not a problem with you. Seeing the same people regularly in a shared activity builds familiarity, and reaching out first speeds it up. If you feel persistently low, see your GP.
Sources
- How to make friends after a move, NPR
- Guide to social life and feeling at home in the Netherlands, Work in South Holland
- Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health, Mayo Clinic
- Socializing, Holland Expat Center South
- 7 tips to make friends in Amsterdam, Koentact
- Making friends when you're not twenty anymore, Aging Solo